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The Accidental Houseguest by Clive Quarmby

Gerald Owen is the former President of, an Internet Job Board for the unemployable, whose slogan was ‘Where Second Best Is Just Too Good.’ The company enjoys great success until Gerald’s partner, Marty, embezzles the company’s tax money to enjoy a lavish retirement in a non-extraditable island. The IRS is less than pleased. They close down the company and prosecute the unwitting Gerald.

 To avoid an inevitable long prison sentence, Gerald decides to commit suicide and spend his last three days as a fugitive in Miami. He boards an earlier plane by switching airline tickets with an undercover DEA agent, Arnold Puffin, whom he found lying unconscious in the men’s restroom. Arriving at Miami International Airport, Gerald is mistaken for Arnold Puffin and chauffeured to the Golden Beach mansion of Vincent Campari, a reputed mafia chief. Puffin had been invited to stay as a guest of Vincent’s daughter, who, fortuitously, is stuck in Paris due to a silly airline strike.

 Meanwhile, DEA agents, who have been staking out Vincent’s mansion from a rundown house across the street, are delighted in the belief that their secret agent has penetrated the Campari bastion.

 Assuming his new identity, Gerald stays with the dysfunctional Campari family. With only three planned days to live, Gerald becomes invincible as he enjoys sexual favors while facing untold attempts on his life.